Blue mood, blue moon, he had a blue car, too

Ride (Instrumental) – All music rights reserved by Lana Del Rey

It’s easy remembering 

my summer with him

when his love was sweet, 

like honey,

and crazy, 

like violence.

I thought I’d found 

my blue moon, 

a perfect match for

my blue mood. 

In my first attempt

to win over

his heart,

I created some fucked up idea 

of perfection

and how we

were exactly that.

Still, I find myself 

thinking of him 

as I am driving.

And I remember how I’d watch him 

dash and daze, 

dazzle on the highway. 

I was so high, 

but I knew I loved him, 

and I knew

he thought I was fucking crazy. 

People still wonder

why I choose 

to live always chasing

that brief thrill 

that leaves me divided,

time and time, again. 

But I’ve always told them 

the same thing:

In this attempt

to win over 

his heart,

I promised to spend

the loneliest moments of my life

with him.

Home is not a place, 

home is not people,

home is a feeling.

Home is 

somewhere I wish 

to become less afraid.

and as his big red eyes close to sleep,

I felt so safe.

In my final attempt

to win over 

his heart,

I completely

lost my own.

Crossing the bridge

Fucked My Way Up to the Top (Instrumental) / All music rights reserved by Lana Del Rey

Crossing the bridge

I grew up believing that everybody loves, and I still do. But I believe we define love the way we have experienced it – her tattoos and cigarette smoking. Black gloves, black dress, black hair. And the brief love affairs. Sometimes, our love becomes so mad, we can’t get high enough to touch it. Our suffering becomes so public. You watch me bleed on my heart. My height. My voice. Now watch the flowers cover the layers of lies and late nights. Let the obsession with the beauty bleed away because you were never ready. My love has kissed other people. Trembled for your eyes. Bled for your attention. Twisted and folded my stomach. Can love be absent? Because this bridge is empty, and the flames make it so hard to get close to you. Do not command me, and do not condemn me. Because love should never be absent of your own. Is this love the same kind that teaches me to be smart, before pretty? If it makes you tremble, tremble because it exists and remember how her laugh crackled, like magic. How the sun permanently etched her glow onto their skin and smile. I swear, I saw the women in their lives and hearts being worn on their hands. The humility in their wonder and walk. They make home feel like, the safe, the guarded. The feelings coming to catch up and you realize, you can come home. Even those who you care for, dearly, can crumble like old bones, when the pain is thick and tropical, and the absence is hot. Drink to love like this, because you are drawn to the wolves. When misery meets heartache, meet your own. The weight of your flesh will feel heavier than your pain, but I will grab your face and remind you how beautiful, how this alone is enough to love you. It is ready, it is extraordinary. I want more of the most important kind of love, the shedding of the layers and mistakes – self-acceptance, waking up to yourself, tracing the past painted on your skin to find strength. That is love. 

Healing process

Tropico Soundtrack (Symphony Orchestra) / All music rights reserved by Lana Del Rey

Healing process

I hope one day I can prove how incredible I think this world is because this world is so big and in a universe as vast as ours, the feelings you haven’t felt are already there; we’ve existed before you were even created. And that is the beauty – I have bled out so many names. By now, you are not looking at a girl, or a sister, or an ex, or a lover. You are looking at the happening of right now, and how her happening is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. My legs bruise as you bring me to my knees, and I feel her hands on my face and she whispers to me, “I have made others bleed, and I have accepted the chaos. We are all made to bruise but not all of us will break.” At first, I did not understand…so I studied her. How she would melt under the city’s moonlight, a feeling for beauty. She broke my eyes so I felt her body, a home of so many things, but you. The ones who love her next exist in the passing cars and I think, “You must be the one who is really in pain.” This girl is an enigma infused with a slight feeling of temptation. Can you blame her for wanting to be surrounded by beautiful things? Do we have to cripple and disfigure ourselves before we find the healing process? Where is He? I have searched day and night, where is the God she serves?

Angels

Ride (Instrumental) All music rights reserved by Lana Del Rey

Angels

One day, we are all going to be mothers, and as their angel, what will you teach them? Will you teach her to tremble, or will you teach her your magic tricks? How, every month, your legs stain with blood but still somehow hold the power to bare something like you. “I promise to remind you everyday, not of your beauty, because baby, that’s already a given. Instead, I will teach you how to escape and how to find a place where you can fit in, even when that place is nowhere. I will teach you to explore even the dustiest corners of your mind.” This is my story, listen to the words, but look for yourself. “I am unwanted, undesirable, and unsatisfactory. But I am also raw; I am weak, broken and starved, but I have survived the hardest part. I hope one day you will see the things I see because there is so much beauty trapped in this rage. And maybe I am crazy, maybe I am out go my goddamn mind, but these lights casted on me are both so bright and bewildering. This glow, although bizarre, is some twisted sort of wonderful. I am a goddamn mine field and this is not craze. This is my force, my power, my passion. Cover your faces because the fire will blind you, and the lights, they will burn you. But for me, this is the best thing I’ve seen in a while. I am so blessed to have been granted these highs, because they are almost too perfect, so unrealistically realistic. “We are substance. We are the water you bleed, we are the smoke you cough up.” I’ve tried to dim my light for you, but you cannot force the sun to sleep. Keep both hands on your chest and hold onto that rage because when your skin rips itself apart and leaves you exposed that is all that will be left. Your mother, and her mother before her, they are our truth. Their truth, their pain, their love, that is all we are made up of and she has made me into a revolution. I am lost, but I am so loved. Seeking and striving, my Angels, they came just at the right time.

As long as it lasts

Ride (Instrumental) All music rights reserved by Lana Del Rey

As long as it lasts

I still remember the day I met him, and I loved him. And I still love him. “You are in love?” “What does it feel like to be in love?” “How do you know it is Real?” I answered, “He once gave me a box and it was a box full of darkness. Only now do I realize that darkness, too, can be a source of love.” He said to me, “My vacancy is welcoming and my absence will keep you warm. Let me teach you the most heroic way to love someone – make them miss, make them be without, make them survive.” Sometimes it hurts but when it is Real you don’t mind the bruises or the sharp edges. Because if it truly is Real you are only ugly to those who do not understand. Everything that I’ve ever lost will one day come back to me, and this is how you know.